S.P.I.C.Y. – 1.7

Recap: Chandni bumps into Saloni and Parmeet on the terrace and both of them get into an argument again. Just when they are about to enter their rooms, Chandni yells out Saloni’s name for help.

 

“Yasmin!” “Yasmin” “please stop crying” Chandni closed the door after Saloni came in and held Yasmin’s hand.

“What’s wrong? Cum’on tell us now.” She moved her fingers in Yasmin’s hair and asked again.

“I’m okay…. stop stalking me you both” “I am perfectly alright” Yasmin replied and shoved Saloni’s hand out of her hair.

“You are perfectly alright????” Chandni asked with sheer surprise.

“Then why I found you crying profusely when I reached the room? It has been 2 days now that we have been observing you and we can sense it that something’s terribly wrong with you.”

“ Cum’on u gotta tell us what is it?” Chandni insisted Yasmin and she started sobbing again. Chandni and Saloni helplessly watched her. They could not find a way to ease her down and find the truth from her.

“Yasmin… Even I will start crying now… I cannot see you like this.” Chandni touched Yasmin on her knee and Yasmin looked at Chandni who was already teary eyed.

“Look babe… we were not being pushy until now though we knew that there is something inside your heart which is haunting you all the time… But now, the cat is out of the bag… We know it is something really big. All that we want is… just let that fear come out and we’ll handle it. Trust us.” Saloni touched Yasmin’s hand to convince her.

Yasmin looked at Saloni and uttered “Alia…” and tears rolled down her cheeks once again.

“What’s wrong with Alia” Chandni and Saloni questioned together.

Yasmin started breathing heavy and both of them were really scared now.

“Is Alia okay?” “Is she suffering from any ailment?” “Is this is what bothering you.” Chandni asked and Yasmin nodded in NO.

“Did your family wanted a male child and they don’t love Alia because she is a girl?” Saloni asked and Yasmin replied “They love her extremely.”

“Then what is it?” Please speak up girl” Chandni said and Yasmin sobbed again.

“You guys are going to kill me if I reveal what it is… It is a harsh truth that I have to keep in my heart forever and seal my lips because if it comes out, I will not be able to face the world.” Yasmin said and cried and both of them were tired of being puzzled now.

“Babe, look! If you’re strong enough to face yourself everyday, you need not worry about the world then.”Chandni said.

“Were you raped?” Saloni asked in a very serious tone and Yasmin looked at her in a terrifying way.

Saloni understood this was the key and she shot another question “Your husband raped you or someone else?”

“For God’s sake, don’t say that please. My child is not born out of a crime but love… That love which only I made, the other person only had a lust to fulfill.”

Yasmin’s sentence mystified them both as they could not understand whom Yasmin was referring to.

Chandni got a glass of water for Yasmin and Yasmin drank a little water. Chandni kept her arm around Yasmin’s  shoulder and asked very softly “Now please tell us what have you been hiding for so long.”

Yasmin kept looking at the wall in front and spoke after a minute or so “Alia, I think, is not my and Shahid’s daughter, but My and Amit’s daughter.”

“What?”….“Amit?” Saloni raised her eyebrows.

“You were …. In touch with…. Amit….? “Even after your marriage?” Chandni stood up from her place.

Chandni and Saloni’s expressions were far more than shocked. They did not understand how to react. Yasmin kept looking at the wall and her tears won’t stop.

“Well, what.. what.. do u mean by “You think” she is your and… and… Amit’s daughter.” Chandni’s words stumbled.

Yasmin took a deep sigh and wiped her tears. She was ready to reveal everything to her friends perhaps because she was not able to handle the situation on her own. She decided to give her besties a chance to find a way out.

———————————————————————————————————————

“I was clearly told by my parents that I can’t marry a guy outside my religion, you guys already know it, don’t you?”

“Yeah” Chandni and Saloni spoke together.

“But our love for each other was very deep… Both of us tried very hard to convince our families but they were determined that they will not allow us to marry… We also thought about eloping and get married but couldn’t gather courage to take that risk. Finally, one day, Shahid and his family came to see me and my marriage got fixed against my wish…” Yasmin sighed.

“We already know all this babe… can you please tell us the exact sad part.” Saloni interrupted.

Yasmin looked at Saloni and then looked at the wall again.

“Shahid is a very nice man. He loves me a lot. After my marriage with him, I discovered that one can find true love in life not only once, but again. I started liking Shahid and eventually fell in love with him. He made me forget my past and we were living a very happy life together. But then my dream world got shattered again. I came across Amit once more. He visited my college as a guest faculty.” Yasmin took a pause.

“I was not aware that he is present there until I saw his name on display outside the auditorium. On a little indirect inquiry from a colleague, I came to know that this is the same man I was madly in love with… I did not know whether I should go and meet him or not. But I think my fate decided this for me as we came across each other in the snacks break where Principal introduced the entire staff to Amit. We spoke in the cafeteria personally for a brief time and he asked me a few things about my current life to which I did not lie. He told me that he is not married yet. I felt a pinch in my heart when he said that.” Yasmin again paused and sighed.

“He asked for my contact number but I resisted and left the place… for the last few years we had resisted to be in touch with each other. I was very happy in my new life but then meeting him again did upset me a lot.”

“Next day I found his mail in my inbox wherein he asked me to meet him one more time and had sent his hotel address. I did not reply to him, but a part of me wanted to go and meet him where as my conscience was stopping me… Shahid was in Chennai on an official tour and was supposed to come back later in the week. Finally I decided to listen to my heart instead of my conscience and I reached his hotel and we met in his hotel lobby.”

“He asked me more about Shahid and my married life and used to sigh deep on my replies. Ultimately, he held my hand and told me that he still miss me. I took off my hand from his grip and told him that I have moved on and he must do the same and I stood up to leave. He only said one thing when I was leaving “You broke me once again Yasmin”… Hearing those words and specially my name from him shattered me within.”

“I came back home but I was feeling crushed inside. I locked my room and cried. At that time, my in laws were not staying with me so I had a freedom to shout and scream and let my emotions come out. The whole time that I and Amit were a couple, was doing rounds in front of my eyes. I missed those days. Though I was very happy with Shahid but looking at Amit who was still alone, tore me apart. I wished that he could also move on.” Yasmin looked down with her last sentence.

“It rained the whole night and I felt that it is Almighty’s way of expressing his sorrow. Nature cried with me. Next day, I took a leave from work and reached his hotel. I was very much sure that Amit must have left by now but I was taken by surprise when the receptionist told me that he is still there… I decided to see him in his room.”

“I thought u must have left by now.” I told him upon reaching his room.”

“If you thought so, then why did you come here?” He asked me looking straight into my eyes.”

“Just to check…. Well, just to tell you that you must move on in life now.” My words stumbled when I told him this in a heavy voice.”

“I will… certainly I will… Do you see this picture?” and he took out his mobile phone and showed me a photo of a girl.”

“Mom & Dad have chosen her for me… and I am going to meet her on Saturday.” He said and my heart again felt a pinch.”

“That’s really good Amit. She’s really beautiful and I am happy for you and I am sure that maybe her, or anyone else, but you will find your soulmate soon.” I tried to cheer him up.

“He looked straight into me and said “I won’t ever find a soulmate now but yes, as you said, I will move on.”

“His expressions made me a bit uneasy and I thought to take a leave from there. So I stood up and said him bye. He said bye and watched me. As I was about to open the door, he suddenly grabbed my hand from behind and pulled me towards himself.”

“Are you crazy… leave me” I said and tried to release myself out of his grip.

“Don’t go away Yasmin… I am incomplete without you.” He cried”.

“I started breathing heavily because I knew what is going to happen next.”

“I am no more a part of your life… Leave me” I insisted but my voice lacked confidence. The fragrance of his perfume was the same which he always wore and it made me go weak in my knees.”

“He got his face closer to mine. I could feel his breath but did not look him eye to eye because I was scared.”

“Do you remember our first kiss?” He asked and I answered “No” with my eyes closed and heavy breathing.”

“You were scared like this even then.” He said and took my face in his palms. My body felt a sudden vibration when he said that.”

“Let me love you once Yasmin.” He took my name and my emotions went weaker.

“ He kissed me on my cheek, and then my forehead, then on my neck. I was trying to push him away but he kept on kissing me until I surrendered. He stopped for a second there and then placed his lips on my lips and… I couldn’t resist…. We kissed standing there for more than 5 minutes. It felt wonderful in that moment. I felt as if God has opened the door of heaven in front of me. When we stopped the kiss, I did not look him eye to eye but hugged him tightly which was a nod for what he wanted, or perhaps both of us wanted… He lifted me in his arms and placed me on the bed and then …. It all just happened…..”  Yasmin stopped there and hid her face in her palms.”

“You… slept with him?” Chandni stared at her.

“For that moment, I had become Amit’s Yasmin… I wasn’t the married Yasmin in that moment and it just happened.”

“And not just you slept with him, but fu*ked your own life.” An angry Saloni taunted.

“Shut up Saloni… can’t you see she is distressed?” Chandni replied back.

“Yeah… she is indeed distressed because of her own shitty work.” Saloni angrily said

Upon this reaction from Saloni, Yasmin started crying again and hid her face behind her knees. Chandni could hear her sobbing.

“What’s the matter with you? If you can’t deal with sensitive issues in a pragmatic way, just keep shut.” “Don’t make her feel worse.” Chandni tried to hush up Saloni.

“I am making her feel worse… are you really telling me that…?? Babe, look at what she has done… and for the whole fu*king life she can’t love her husband like earlier, nor she can care for her child like a mother anymore.” Saloni yelled.

Saloni’s sentence made Chandni think and she asked Yasmin “What did you mean when you said “you think” that Alia is not your and Shahid’s daughter?”

A few seconds later Yasmin started speaking “The very same day Shahid came back from his tour which was a surprise for me… I was trying to put myself together after what had happened with Amit when the door bell rang… I was taken aback when I saw Shahid. His face beamed when he saw me where as I was totally shocked… A part inside me scared me that he has come to know about Amit and me and will confront me any moment now… but it never happened. But yes, Shahid and I made love the same day because he wished to… and 6 weeks later I came to know that I am pregnant.” Yasmin got teary eyed again.

“For the last 21 months now, I am sulking within. I am dwelling into this confusion as to whose child my daughter is… My in laws shifted base with us during my pregnancy so that they can take well care of me and our baby and I don’t face any obstruction in my career. I am blessed to be a part of this family but the mistake I did, it is too difficult to face anyone because of it.

“Neither Amit nor I tried to contact each other after that incident and in the third trimester of my pregnancy, I came to know that Amit has got married. Principal wanted him to be the guest faculty once more but came to know that he is holidaying after marriage. I went speechless when I heard this from a colleague. I wanted to be happy that he had moved on in life but then what was it that happened between us that day? Perhaps it was only I who behaved senseless”. Yasmin said and wiped her tear.

“I love Alia from the bottom of my heart but whenever this thought strikes in my mind that perhaps she is Amit’s daughter, I get scared inside. At times, I show a bad mood to everyone and they don’t have any idea why I do it?”

“Did you ever think of getting a DNA test done?” Chandni asked.

“Yes I did think about a DNA Test. But I could not gather the courage of taking that step. Because I fear that if the test holds negative, my life will be shattered forever. I won’t be able to face myself… This guilt is killing me guys… please help me guys… please help me what to do… please get me out of this guilt… please” Yasmin once again cried and pleaded Chandni and Saloni. There was silence.

“Now that you have told us the truth, I hope you are feeling slightly better.” Chandni passed on another glass of water to Yasmin.

“It feels a little lighter in the heart because this is the first time that I have expressed this to anyone … but the guilt is still there and I think I will not be able to come out of it forever.” Yasmin replied and looked at her glass.

“Don’t worry… we’ll find out a way” Chandni held Yasmin’s hand and looked at Saloni.

“Yeah, we’ll work the problem. Don’t worry… and I am sorry for my bad temper.” Saloni said.

———————————————————————————————————————————–

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